Wake Up: A Guide to Living Your Life Consciously

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A life lived of choice is a life of conscious action. A life lived of chance is a life of unconscious creation.
– Neale Donald Walsch

As much as possible, I try to live my life by bringing to my consciousness what is bubbling up from my unconsciousness.

I try to clear the fog through which we often drift, to see where I’m going, to make conscious choices instead of automatic ones.

Do you ever have a feeling that you’re drifting through life, and not going where you want to go? Or that you don’t know how you got where you are today?

Living consciously is about taking control of your life, about thinking about your decisions rather than making them without thought, about having a life that we want rather than settling for the one that befalls us.

If you’re drifting through life, or feel out of control, or don’t know how you got here … deciding to live consciously could be the single most important thing you do.

Are you living unconsciously now?
Ask yourself the following questions … if you find yourself saying yes to many of them, you might want to consider trying conscious living:

1. Are you in a job that you fell into rather than the job you want?

2. Are you doing things that are given to you rather than what you love to do?

3. Are you spending your time doing busy work rather than what you want to do with your days?

4. Do you wish you could spend more time with loved ones?

5. Do you find yourself living from paycheck to paycheck or in debt, not knowing where your money goes?

6. Do you find yourself wasting your time doing things that aren’t important rather than focusing on completing the things that are very important?

7. Do you go through your days not thinking about what you want out of life and how to get it?

If you answered “no” to all of these questions, you’re probably already living consciously, and you don’t need this blog post at all. For those who would like to live more consciously, read on.

How to Live Life Consciously
It’s not something you can change overnight. Living consciously is a lifestyle, a skill, an art. It’s not something you do just once, but a habit that you can form for the rest of your life.

But it is deceptively simple: Be conscious, and think about, everything you do. Make conscious choices rather than doing things without thinkings. That’s all.

It sounds simple, but it’s amazing how few people actually do this, and it’s amazing how easy it is to live life on autopilot, and just do what we always do because that’s what we’re used to doing. And it’s easier that way, even if our lives are difficult.

It’s not easy to changes our lives, to break out of our routines, to begin to live the lives we want.

It takes willful effort, energy and constant vigilance to think about our choices … all of them.

Here are some key tips that have worked for me:

1. Make reflecting on your life a regular routine. Whether you keep a journal, or make reflecting on your day part of your evening routine, or have a weekly session where you review your life or take some time away from the office to reflect on everything … it’s important that you give things some thought. Regularly.

2. At least once a year, set or review your life’s goals. What do you want to do in life? What is important to you? What do you want your life to be like? And how will you get there? Write it down, and keep it somewhere you will see it often, and take action.

3. Also review your relationships. The people we love are among the most important things in our lives, if not the only important things. You need to think about your relationships. Do you spend enough time with them? Do you show your appreciation for them? Is there a way you can improve your relationship? Do you need to forgive or apologize about anything? Are there barriers that can be removed? Communication that can be improved?

4. Consider your impact on the world. How does what you do, what you consume, and how you live, impact the environment? How does it impact poor people in Third World countries? How does it impact the poor, the powerless, the voiceless? How does it impact your community? Your life has an impact, whether you think about it or not. Being conscious of how your decisions affect others is important.

5. Consider the real costs of the things in your life. Our lives are filled with stuff … our houses, our offices … and beyond just the cost of buying the stuff, this stuff takes a toll on us. The stuff in our life must be arranged, cleaned, moved, taken with us when we move … it takes up the space in our life, it is visual stress. Later, we’ll have to get rid of it, sort through all of it, take time to throw it away or recycle it or donate it. If having the stuff is not worth all of that, then get rid of it.

6. Review how you spend your time. Until we do a time audit, and keep a log of our day, even if it’s just for one or two days, we don’t really know how we spend our time. And if we do audit our time, it can be very surprising. And if we know how we’re spending our time now, we can make conscious decisions to change how we spend our time in the future.

7. Explore yourself. Not in a dirty way. Take some time to think about what kind of person you are. What your values are. Whether you live your life according to those values. How you treat people. How you treat yourself. Think about this: what do you want people to say about you when you die? 

-AG

The Wisdom of Allowing Things to Happen

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The world is so unpredictable. Things happen suddenly, unexpectedly. We want to feel we are in control of our own existence. In some ways we are, in some ways we're not. We are ruled by the forces of chance and coincidence.
~The Daodejing

I have never been one to be passive, to let things happen instead of making them happen, to let go of control of things.

But here’s what I’ve been learning:

  1. This control we think we have over our lives and our destinies … it’s an illusion. As the guy who had his life turned upside down by a heart break, car accident and totaled his car; a woman who lost her father to death and had to drop everything, the family who lost their home to a hurricane, the entrepreneur that was doing well until the economy collapsed and no one was spending, the hard-working employee who was laid off when the economy tanked, the cyclist who was hit by a car, the car that skid because someone ran onto the road who had been obscured, the mom whose son has autism despite her doing everything right during pregnancy … it happens every day, where we think we’re in control but we’re really not. Do we control all the people around us who affect our lives so intimately? Do we control the overwhelming power of nature? There’s so much out of our control that what we think is control is really an illusion.

  2. To control your cow, give it a bigger pasture. This is a great quote from Zen Master Suzuki Roshi, talking about controlling your mind. I see the cow and her pasture as a form of allowing things to happen — instead of tightly controlling something, you’re opening up, giving it more room, a bigger pasture. The cow will be happier, will roam around, will do as she pleases, and yet your needs will also be met. The same is true of anything else — stepping back and allowing things to happen means things will take care of themselves, and your needs will also be met. And you’ve done no work.

  3. You have less stress, less to worry about. Imagine allowing things to happen naturally, and things work out, and all you did was smile and watch. You don’t have to worry about shaping things, about controlling something that doesn’t want to be controlled. You don’t have to push, and fix leaks, and put out fires. You just let things work on their own. They happen.

  4. Things will surprise you. Let’s say you’re allowing something to happen. You might want it to go a certain way, to a certain outcome. That’s your goal. But what if you let go of this idea? What if you say, “I don’t know what will happen.” (Btw, you really don’t.) What if you say, “Let’s see what happens.” Then things will happen, but not the way you planned. The outcome might be completely different than what you’d hoped for. But it can still be great, just different. It might even be wonderful, and surprising. Surprises are good, if we accept that things always change and that change is good.

  5. You learn how things work. Instead of trying to make things work the way you want them to work, just watch them work. You’ll learn much more about human nature, about the nature of the world, as you see things work without you controlling it. It might change you.

Remember, it is not what happens to us that determines our reality it is how we interpret it. We have control over our perceptions, decisions and actions not so much outer events. What we may initially see as a challenge, a setback, or a pain, or terrible can later turn out to be a turning point in our lives. Even in that moment opportunity emerges for those that look.

But why have the wisdom of the ages with the aging process when we can look at our challenge with new eyes and discover the other side of the perceptual equation and discover a meaning at first missed without the aging process. I have taken thousands of students through their crises and helped them see the equal and opposite blessings.

If you never look and you just keep running the story of being a victim of outer circumstances you delay the discovery of the opportunity to be a master. Every event has two sides.

Wisdom is discovering the whole and objective not the part and subjective only. Our resilience and adaptability is remarkable once we ask the wise questions and extract our a deeper meaning out of our apparent chaos. So too in turn our terrific experiences too have another side and the wise individual does not become carried away by outer appearances and recenters themselves with poise.

Just because we have not looked for and seen the two sides of the equation does not mean they are not synchronously there for our learning and growth.

-AG

A Guide to Being in Action

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Commit to Possibility

When we are not feeling motivated to take action, and we’re feeling burdened or bleh about a task … it’s because we aren’t connected to some possibility in our lives.

What is it that you want to create in the world? What do you want to change in your life, or in the lives of others?

If you get clear on that possibility, and feel connected to it, you’re going to feel much more energized and inspired to tackle your tasks.

Some examples of possibility:

  • Create an income with my new business to support me and my family

  • Help people overcome their feelings of inadequacy

  • Help my team feel more energized and connected to meaning

  • Help keep my family safe and happy

  • Help thousands or even maybe millions of people change their lives one day

There are lots of other possibilities, but the important thing is to connect to yours, before you even take on a task. And reconnect when you’re feeling like not doing it.

Then commit to creating that possibility, even if it feels difficult or scary.

Create Daily Structure

Once you’re connected and committed to that possibility, it’s important to have some structure. Some examples:

  • A schedule with blocks for your meaningful tasks

  • Accountability with a group of people

  • A session at 10am every day where you write for an hour

  • A video call every day at 8am with an accountability partner, where you do 2 hours of focused work on the call together

  • A commitment to check in with a coach, and a consequence for not doing your commitment

What structure will help you be in action? Create it for yourself, and then train.

Train Your Action Muscle

This is the important part: you can connect to possibility and be committed, create a structure … but then you have to actually put it into action. Nothing else matters but this.

So train yourself for a week, and each day be in action. Be doing stuff. Get shit done.

Take on the hard tasks, in small chunks. Check things off your list, while feeling the meaning and possibility you’re creating.

Be in action, over and over, and you’ll train the action muscle.

After a week, review: how did it go? What needs to be adjusted? What did you learn? How can you keep the training going?

So with this in mind: what would you like to commit to today?

-AG

"We are just human beings"

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"When we are born, we have no idea of nationality or religious faith. We are just human beings who want to be happy. We are social creatures who need to live together as friends. An affectionate response brings a smile, which leads to trust that can grow into friendship and so bring us together. Genuine friends are those who continue to support you when things get difficult."
~ Dalai Lama

Falling in Love With Ourselves

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While many of us look for love from a partner and mate, we often miss out on the person who has some amazing love to give, and who is amazing: the person looking back at us from the mirror.

If we fall in love with ourselves — not in a selfish way, but in an appreciative way — we will discover a source of love that doesn’t run out.

I’ve heard the question, “How can we expect others to love us if we can’t love ourselves?” And while there’s truth to this, it’s also true that often others do love us even if we don’t love ourselves — they see the awesome within us, even if we don’t.

The problem is that if we don’t love ourselves, this leads to problems: a lack of self-confidence, insecurities and jealousies, self-dislike, unhappiness, and so on. If we allow this cycle of negativity to continue, we might behave in ways that push others away — and then that love from others that we crave might not be around for long.

So loving ourselves is important from that angle. But it’s also important even if we take others out of the equation: who are we with the most? Ourselves. And if we’re the person who keeps us company all the time, isn’t it important that we appreciate the beauty within, if we want to be happy? How can we be happy if the person we’re always with doesn’t really like us?

In contrast, if we learn to love ourselves, then we’ll always be around someone who loves us, and be happier … we’ll be more confident, secure, positive, fun. Let’s look at how to do that.

*SIDE STORY*

I’ve known this girl for about 2-3 years now. In the beginning we were just a couple of co-workers that just says “hi” and “hello” with each other; until a week or two ago we had a powerful conversation after work. She had shared and opened up some insights about her and her life which was really courageous from her end.

Fast forward… her and I went to get dinner the other night and the girl that I’ve known for years I got to know within 2-6 hours. It was an amazing night. She has the best smile, gorgeous eyes, and ecstatic energy (insider.) LOL

Any who, always remember to keep your doors open because you never know who will walk into your life that shares the same beliefs and the same mindset as you. And I tell you it’s a BEAUTIFUL thing!

So, if “YOU” are reading this, you are amazing, you are gorgeous, you are valuable, and last but not least, YOU ARE LOVED!

Understanding Each Other’s World(s)

So what happens when we fall in love with someone else or meeting someone that understands you world? There’s no single right answer to that question, perhaps, but here’s a rough outline of what might happen:

  • We meet someone interesting. They might be interesting for physical reasons (attractiveness), but it can also be that they have a sharp mind, a great sense of humor, a great attitude towards life, a wide variety of skills or experiences, common interests, a kind heart, etc.

  • We get to know them. We start to learn more about the person, beyond the initial physical impression, beyond what we can see from a first meeting. The more we know, the more we might want to find out more.

  • We appreciate the little things. This person might not be “perfect” but even the little imperfections seem perfect. We accept this person, greatness and flaws alike, and appreciate all of it.

  • We start to trust. As we get to know this person, we learn that he or she is trustworthy, not someone who will easily hurt us. This trust-building is an important process, and takes time — we trust a little, then the other person trusts a little too … then we trust a little more, and the other person does too.

  • We get love from them, and return it. Giving and receiving love is a part of the falling in love process, obviously — we tend to love someone if they love us.

This is a general process that’s not set in stone, but I think these elements are in most relationships where people fall in love with each other. And they can be used consciously to fall in love with ourselves.

How to Start

So how do we start falling in love with ourselves? It seems unlikely to many people, and possibly a little silly. It’s not silly, though: it’s simply a process of introspection and appreciation, and it’s very possible.

Start with the first step in the process above — meet someone interesting! That person is you, of course, but how often do we stop to look at what’s interesting about ourselves?

So take some time this week to do these things:

  1. Meet the interesting person within you. Close your eyes for a few minutes and look within — what are you like? What is good about you? What do you like to do, to eat, to play? What music do you like? What are your interests, your passions, your accomplishments? Don’t be critical at this point — find the interesting in you. It’s there, if you look.

  2. Get to know this cool person. It’s possible you don’t know the answers to some of the questions in the previous step — so find out! Over the next few days (and weeks), explore yourself. Find out what you like, what music you like, what your passions are. Look within and find out your desires, dreams, fears, strengths, weaknesses, and all that’s good within you.

  3. Appreciate the little things. You might not be “perfect” but even the little imperfections can be perfect. Start to learn to accept this interesting person, greatness and flaws alike, and appreciate all of it. This might mean putting aside the judgments of yourself, and saying, “This is what makes you … you. And because of that, it is perfect and great.”

An Ongoing Romance

The three steps above are a great start, and in fact you can keep doing them for weeks, and months, and for the rest of your life. They’re always good things to do, always.

But there’s more. You should also explore these steps:

  1. Start to trust. As you get to know this cool person within, start to see that you are trustworthy. You will not hurt yourself, or abandon yourself. This trust-building process takes time — trust a little, see that the trust is warranted, trust a little more. Seek to be worthy of that trust.

  2. Give love. Give yourself love just as fully as you would give love to a lover, a child, a parent or sibling. You are capable of great love, and you are worthy of that great love. Do seemingly silly things like hug yourself, tell yourself daily that you love yourself, that you’re beautiful and strong and great.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, but it’s important.

You can do all kinds of things with yourself to learn more about what’s within, to begin to trust and appreciate and love yourself. Go on dates with yourself, exercise, explore hobbies and interests, do things for yourself, choose things that you like.

In this process, have fun, and get to know the lovable person within. That person is great, and worthy of every ounce of your love.

-AG

How to Let Go of Obsessive Overthinking

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Sometimes, our heads won’t stop thinking about something. Our thoughts will spin around and around, not willing to let go, obsessing. It might be about another person, a big event coming up, or about ourselves. It might be overthinking a decision, big or small.

There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s a human thing to do, to overthink or obsess about something we’re worried or frustrated about. It’s a sign that we’re feeling fear and uncertainty, and our brains are trying to solve it.

Sometimes, though, it can be liberating to let go of that kind of thinking. It can lead to better sleep, peace of mind, and a simplicity of living. So how can we do that?

I’ll share a process for that briefly here:

  1. Notice. Often when we’re caught up in a loop or overthinking, we aren’t aware of it. It seems like the right thing to do, to keep thinking about this thing that’s worrying us. But to break out of the loop, we have to notice we’re in it. What signs have you noticed will point out to you that you’re in a loop? For many people, it’s a rising amount of anxiety or worry, an inability to sleep, an inability to focus. For others, it might be a desire to lash out at someone, or to plan or otherwise get control. The key is just to notice you’re in it.

  2. Turn toward the underlying fear. Once you’ve noticed, the magic trick is to look beyond the thing you think needs to be solved … to the fear underneath. It’s like not looking at the hand the magician is trying to direct your attention to, but to their other hand that is hiding the coin. Don’t look at the object of your thoughts or the problem you need to solve … but the fear that’s having you want to obsess and overthink. What are you feeling right now, in your body?

  3. Be with the fear. Before we let go of the overthinking, we have to be with the feeling of fear that’s in our body. Otherwise it’s like trying to calm a freaked out child by ignoring them. What if instead we could be with the fear and relax with it, so it can relax? Can you feel the fear, as sensation, and stay with it? Can you breathe deeply and slowly, so you can slow your heartbeat and relax with the fear? Can you bring curiosity towards it? If it’s challenging, you might think of it as being with your heart.

  4. Ask what’s needed. Ask what your fear could use right now — some compassion, some music, a nice cup of tea, journaling or a walk? Then ask what’s needed in the situation you’re overthinking — what’s the simplest thing that you could do here, what’s the simplest way you could speak from the heart? Then trust that, breathe, and move to the present moment.

  5. Turn toward something right in front of you. What’s something right in front of you that you could focus on? For me, it might be the light in the room, nature, another person. Or it might be answering an email or writing a blog post. Something simple, right in front of me. I trust that what I’ve chosen from the heart will suffice, and then I focus on something in the here and now.

This isn’t about getting this perfect, or never overthinking or obsessing. I still get caught up in loops all the time. But I accept that as a part of my humanity, and love the fear that’s creating it. Then I practice.

-AG

One of my favorite poems: The Dash by Linda Ellis

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THE DASH

the poem by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning… to the end.

He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke of the following date with tears, but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time they spent alive on earth and now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own, the cars… the house… the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard; are there things you’d like to change? For you never know how much time is left that still can be rearranged.

To be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile… remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read, with your life’s actions to rehash, would you be proud of the things they say about how you lived your dash?

LIVE YOUR DASH MEANING

Be Slow to Anger : Anger can become like a cancer and eat away at your ability to be joyful and kind. Life is too short – choose forgiveness and let it go. As William Ward says: “Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the handcuffs of hate.”

Say Thank You: Those two little words hold incredible power. Think about how you feel when someone thanks you. You feel validated and appreciated. When you do the same for other people, you pass along that positive energy. It may be just what they needed at that moment.

Love People: Our Dash moves with lightning speed. It seems like only yesterday the kids were just toddlers learning to walk, and now they’ve got children of their own! As they say, “the days are long, but the years are short.” Never miss an opportunity to show love and say “I love you.”

Treat Others with Respect: You have opportunities every day to spend your dash through simple acts of kindness and respect. This quote by George Washington Carver says it best:  “How far you go in your life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.”

Wear a Smile: Our dash may be short, but it can be wide. Often a simple smile will break through tension and stress. A smile will not only affect those around you, but it will change your attitude and outlook on life. Try it right now – just smile!

Remember Life is Short – make every moment matter: It’s been said that “we don’t remember days; we remember moments.” Being present and in the moment provides some of life’s greatest joys — A crackling fire on a cold winter night, reading a love note from your spouse, watching a beautiful sunset, or having coffee with a friend. It’s moments like these that make life worth living.

Think about your life. What are some moments you cherish and hold most dear? Who are the people in your life that you need to say “thank you” to? Is there someone in your life who could use some love and attention…a smile or a hug?

Examine your heart and think about what is true and real. Now is the time to rearrange the things that need to be changed. As Suzanne Chapin says, “All that is worth cherishing in this world begins in the heart, not in the head.”

-AG

How to Be More Present & Alive in the Moment

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Going through this tough times that I’ve been going through from this past few weeks, this is one of the things that I had to reflect on and really thought about and had to really dig deep in.

So how do we become more present and alive in each moment? I have some ideas, based on my experience(s).

  1. Practice fully pouring yourself into every act. This is a personal development practice — being fully in every task you do, every act. If you’re sitting in meditation, be fully in your seat, not have your mind be somewhere else. If you’re brushing your teeth, just brush your teeth — and be completely immersed in that. This is a practice, of course, which means we’ll forget to do it most of the time, but it’s an incredibly rich practice. Fully express yourself in everything you do.

  2. See the divinity in the person in front of you or in this moment. When I say “divinity,” it might mean God if you believe in God … but if you don’t, it’s seeing the incredible gift of the world, of each person. Seeing the profound beauty in everything. Seeing the sacredness of the ordinary. When you’re talking with someone, can you fully appreciate their divinity? Can you feel wonder at the world around you, no matter where you are? This is an incredible practice that will help you feel more alive, each time you do it.

  3. Open your damn heart! Most of us move through our days with our hearts closed. We do our tasks, go through the motions, but we aren’t connected to our hearts. (Some people, of course, are able to live in their hearts much of the time — let them be our role models!) What would it be like to be open-hearted today, feel loving toward every person you see, loving and tender toward the world around you?

See, what I’ve learned from my heartbreaking process was that I know that I had the passion of helping others, BUT I wasn’t giving enough love for me, which caused my stubbornness and selfishness acts.

But as you can see, these are not things that you’ll be able to get perfect, immediately or even ever. They are things to practice.

But I can tell you, in my experience, this kind of practice of being fully immersed in each activity, with your heart open, your emotions fully expressed, seeing the good in everything and everyone around you — this will help us be fully alive in each moment.

-AG

How to Thrive in the Midst of Personal Turbulence

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It’s tough when you’re going through heartbreaks, difficulties, struggles, turbulence… it can feel like your world is falling apart, or you can feel hopeless. My heart is with you if you’re feeling this way.

But I’ve been practicing these three things from the past week:

  1. It will pass!

  2. It is also your path to spiritual and growth transformation.

  3. It happened for a reason (A.K.A you gotta learn from all of your mistakes, recognize those mistakes and firmly tell yourself that you’re willing to improve that area for YOU first and then for the person or the thing you’re anxious and stressing about.)

The second part is the key. If you see your turbulence as an opportunity for incredible growth, you are about to experience some amazing things.

Many of us just want to get out of the turbulence and pain, want to be free of it, want to find a place of peace. That’s natural, but that’s a rejection of your experience right now, and it’s a huge missed opportunity.

Use Pain, Heartbreaks, Sadness, Chaos for Growth

In Zen, there’s a saying, “Let everything be your teacher.” It sounds overused, but if you practice it, it’s very great.

Imagine if every single person you met were your teacher — you could see each of them as an opportunity to practice, each as an opportunity to connect your open hearts, each as a way to see your interconnectedness. Each person becomes an opportunity to practice compassion, presence, consciousness.

Imagine if everything around you were teaching you about the preciousness and overwhelming beauty of life.

Imagine if every turbulent, painful time in your life were your teacher — showing you how to stay present in the midst of fear and pain, how to open your heart to the experience, how to be fearless in the midst of wanting to shut down.

In this way, pain and fear become your path to transformation — if you can find the courage to touch them, to feel them fully, to open to them with love.

Here’s a practice I’m personally doing for myself; if you want to use your turbulent time as a teacher and path to transformation:

  1. Notice what you’re experiencing right now. Not the story about it in your head, but the sensations in your body. Just be curious about what it feels like to be alive right now, inclusive of any pain, sadness, fear or groundlessness in you. Just explore, and stay with it.

  2. Allow yourself to fully feel it. Touch the pain or fear. That means allow your awareness to land gently on the sensation of pain or fear, to feel it. Now open your heart to feeling it fully, with its full power, letting go of fears that you can’t handle it. You can. This might be allowing yourself to yell in rage, to cry in anguish, to run around in a state of nervous excitement, to shake with fear. Fully feel it, instead of hiding from it.

  3. Let your tender heart feel the pain, joy, sadness … and let yourself feel the heartbreak of it all. This is what it’s like to be fully alive — you’re open to the heartbreak of the world, not afraid to feel the joy and sadness at the same time.

  4. Let yourself fall in love with this experience. This moment, filled with pain and sadness and beauty, is heartbreakingly gorgeous. It is filled with life, energy, light and joyful sweetness. Fall in love with it, opening your heart to the experience, no matter how much sadness or pain the moment contains. It’s all worthy of your love, just as it is, without needing to change.

Imagine practicing this throughout your time of chaos and sadness, turbulence and pain. Fully feeling, fully opening, fully falling in love with each moment.

It would change your life.

You would thrive.

-AG