“What love we’ve given, we’ll have forever. What love we fail to give, will be lost for all eternity.”
— Leo Buscaglia
Some of the best relationship advice I’ve been learning so far is that “opposites attract, but similarities bind.” I also learned that “true love is falling in love with the same person over and over.” But it’s time to dive deeper. Much deeper. This article is a deep dive on how to find love, create your ultimate relationship, and improve your relationship skills.
The Big Picture of How To Create Your Ultimate Relationship and Ultimate Lover
Tony Robbins found the following truths to creating better relationships:
Master Selection and Connection. You need to master Selection and Connection as the two primary skills for creating your ultimate relationship.
Select your partner consciously. Your lover is your most important decision in life. Make it a conscious choice. Who you choose as a lover will have a huge influence over your ultimate happiness. Select somebody who matches your vision, who you can share things in common with and love the differences with passion, who you can create a raving fan lover, and who does not conflict with your core values, or other deal breakers.
Start with vision. The first step is to create a vision for what you really want in your relationship. What is it that you really want in life that would light you up and excite you? What’s your vision for what this relationship would create in the world that would inspire you to be in this relationship? Make it so compelling to you, so exciting and so clear that you get so much emotion you’ll find a way to make it happen.
Focus on where you want to be, not where you are. Tony Robbins can’t stress this enough, but he says you must focus on what you want, not where you are. Don’t limit yourself. Create your impossible dream, make it so emotionally exciting that you can’t help but make it happen, and then you will figure out a way to make your dream come true. Tony is a master at turning dreams into reality.
Create a list of what you want, what you must not have, and who you must become to attract that relationship. Create extreme clarity. Be as specific as possible. You need a vision of what you want in detail in terms of your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual desires. You also need to know what you MUST NOT have in your relationships so that you don’t destroy them. Lastly, you need to know the kind of person who you need to become so that you can attract your ultimate relationship.
Don’t destroy your relationships. You need to know what you MUST NOT have in your relationship. For example, you MUST NOT have conflicts in your core values with your partners. So many relationships end because the couple didn’t know what they MUST NOT have in their relationship.
Select a partner that gives you both certainty and uncertainty. Certainty comes from having a common vision, common values, shared interests, etc. Uncertainty comes from differences. This uncertainty creates passion. You need certainty and passion to keep the relationship growing and exciting.
Connect with your lover through their Six Human Needs. You create deep connection with your partner by meeting their Six Human Needs. The more of their needs you meet, the deeper the love and fulfillment you can create.
Create a Raving Fan Lover. Your goal in your relationship is to create a Raving Fan Lover. You create a Raving Fan Lover by worshipping your lover. Through deep admiration, you create an unbreakable bond of trust and enthusiasm. This deep admiration and appreciation comes from deep self-awareness of your needs, wants, and desires, along with what you will not tolerate. It also comes from a deep awareness of your lover’s needs, wants, desires, and what they will not tolerate.
Practice the 5 Disciplines of Love. Practice the 5 Disciplines of Love to cultivate passion and create an ongoing adventure. By investing in the 5 Disciplines of Love, you can “create a sexy and exciting partnership that lights up every aspect of your life to create a relationship full of earthshaking excitement, joy, and passion.”
If you are ready to create a magnificent, fulfilling relationship, then get ready to learn what it takes to show and grow your love by leaps and bounds.