Your brain is a computer.

October 12, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

When you first download a new operating program into a computer, it will take time to adjust as it works the bugs out. Your brain works EXACTLY the same way.

Your body is an engineered machine that runs on changeable software. Nothing about you is hard wired. Anything can be reprogrammed at any time.

For example: in the past I would say “no problem” when someone thanked me. I decided I didn’t like saying the word “problem” because saying it so often will attract problems. I decided that I would say “my pleasure” instead.

This process of reprogramming my default response from “no problem” to “my pleasure” took 1-3 months. Every time I said “no problem” I would stop myself and correct myself out loud and in my mind.

Now, 2 years later I instinctively say “my pleasure” because I programmed that as my default response.

It now comes natural to say “my pleasure” and I no longer have to correct myself because the new program is set.

This process of reprogramming can work to change anything because your brain is a computer and you are the programmer.

Take control and reprogram your brain to match the best version of yourself. Your thoughts, feelings and actions are all programable by you.

-AG

A Hidden Source of Power

October 08, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

Almost every one of us gives away our power, unthinkingly.

For example:

Someone does something inconsiderate or infuriating that frustrates or angers you. You fume about it for hours. You've given this person the power to make you frustrated and angry, to ruin your day, often without them even realizing it.
You are lonely because you are alone, no longer with the partner who broke up with you. You have given away your power to feel loved to someone else, who perhaps doesn't want to give you that love.
You walk into a social gathering and hope to impress people, to gain their approval, to be liked. You've given away your power of being approved to others, who don't even know they have a responsibility to validate you.
You are still angry at your parents (or one of your parents) for the crappy way they raised you, or for certain things they did that screwed you up. You've given away your power to shape your own life, to people who haven't been responsible for raising you for years, since you became an adult.

In all of these cases, and many more examples throughout our day, we've given away the power to be happy, to be content, to be joyful, to other people, who haven't even asked for that power or realize you've handed it to them.

But actually, the power over these states of mind — approval, love, anger, joy — resides completely inside of us.

This is the hidden source of power that we don't tap into.

Let me give you an example. Let's say you're pining over a lover who has rejected you, and wishing you had those incredible moments back, where they made you feel happy, loved. But actually, the source of that love was inside of you, not outside of you. When you were with your ex-lover, they were there in the room with you, but the source of feeling loved was in your own mind, in your own heart. You made yourself feel that way, by how you perceived the situation.

That means that you have the power to make yourself feel loved. At any time. It's always available to you. It depends on no one else.

You have the power to make yourself feel angry, or at peace. To feel hurt, or joyful. To feel connected, or disconnected. To feel accepted, or rejected.

That's not to say that other people don't do crappy things. But those crappy things don't have to make us feel horrible — we can let them slide off of us, and decide how we want to feel. Sure, that's easier said than done, but it's still a power that resides within us.

That's also not to say we don't need anyone else. Or that we're an island, standing completely on our own. In my view, we are more interconnected than we realize. Choosing to see ourselves as already interconnected, always connected to the hearts of others, is actually a way to tap into our inner power. Turning towards others and seeing their pain and love, not just our own, is a fantastic way to tap into the power to make ourselves feel purposeful, to feel loved.

But make no mistake: the power is inside of us, nowhere else.

We can make ourselves feel loved, by loving ourselves and others. We can make ourselves feel liked and approved of, by seeing ourselves and finding the miracle in what we see, finding contentment in who we are, just as we are.

We can make ourselves feel peace, by letting go of slights and judgments of others, and finding contentment in how things are, loving things as they are.

We can give ourselves joy, by realizing our interconnectedness with others, by caring about others, by appreciating the heartbreaking beauty of this moment, just as it is.

-AG

What is gratitude?

October 02, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

What is gratitude?

It’s a conscious mental state, a deep and joyful feeling of the heart and a mindful effort not to take anything to anyone for granted. It’s when the soul is simply happy with little or much, small or big, pretty of ugly, sweet or bitter, and etc…It’s just the act of learning how to appreciate each moment or situation with a thankful attitude.

EMBRACE GRATITUDE!

-AG

When Fear is Stopping You From Pursuing Meaningful Work

September 28, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

I was having a discussion with a friend recently who is holding himself back from doing the purposeful work he thinks he wants to pursue.

What’s holding him back?

Fear of putting himself out there in public. Fear of failure. Fear of being judged. Fear of choosing the wrong path. Fear of not being good enough.

Do any of these fears sound familiar? They’re very common, and hold a lot of people back from pushing themselves into the discomfort and uncertainty of meaningful work.

These fears cause us to procrastinate, distract ourselves, comfort ourselves with food and social media and shopping and games, avoid even thinking about it, and beat ourselves up for not doing anything.

If we could deal with these fears, we’d be rock stars.

I’d like to share a few techniques that will help, if you put them into practice.

Exposure Therapy: Don’t Start at the Superbowl

Most people make the mistake of imagining themselves at the scariest part of the journey of their meaningful work — speaking in front of a huge crowd if you want to do public presentations, having an audience of hundreds of thousands of people if you want to write a blog or do a podcast, managing a huge team if you want to run a non-profit organization.

But that’s like wanting to be a football player and starting at the Superbowl. You’re not ready for that kind of pressure. Instead, start with youth football, high school football, and then college football before even considering the big leagues.

If you’re an author, this means just write one blog post. No one will read it at first, so there’s no pressure. Then write another.

If you want to do public speaking, just speak in front of a few friends. Then a group of 10 people. One small step at a time, and you’ll get more and more prepared as you do each step.

This is known as “exposure therapy” — exposing you gradually to the thing you fear, starting with the least scary version of it. It is quite effective, and you can use it by structuring your progress gradually, starting very small.

Allow Yourself to Feel the Fear

This is where we bring in mindfulness — when you’re feeling fear, instead of turning away from it or trying to escape/avoid it … try turning towards it. Actually allow yourself to feel the fear. We don’t often want to feel it, but we have a greater capacity to feel fear than we give ourselves credit for.

Try it: notice how the fear feels in your body. Not your story about it, but the actual physical sensations of the fear in your body. Allow yourself to stay with it, to be with it, to tell yourself that it’s OK. Be friendly towards yourself and the feeling of fear, gentle, curious, open.

You will transform your relationship with it, even if it doesn’t go away. In fact, you’ll start to realize that you don’t need to get rid of the fear, you don’t need to do anything about it. It’s not a problem, it’s just a feeling, just an experience, just a part of the meaningful work you want to do.

Practice Dropping Your Ego

Fear comes up because we have a story about what might happen to us — for example, “If I try to write this book (or start this business), I’ll fail, people will judge me, because I’m not good enough.” (The last part might not be vocalized but is underlying the story.) This is natural, and it’s good to notice what our story is, to become more aware of it, and then to start to see its power over us.

Once we become more aware of the story, we can practice dropping it. And dropping the ego (self-centeredness) that is at the center of the story. How? By dropping into the present moment, becoming aware of the sensations of the body, the breath, the fear, and everything that surrounds you.

Dropping into the present moment, becoming fully immersed in what is happening right now, our ego drops away. The story about what might happen drops away. We can’t think about both at the same time. So the story will come back (along with our self concern) and then we practice dropping everything again and being present. Arise and drop, over and over, until we get good at letting go and being here.

Being in the present, we can do the work. Take the next step. Not worry about ourselves, but instead take action for the sake of the people we most deeply want to serve.

Open, Open, Open to Joy

So we’re taking small steps (exposing ourselves gradually to the fear), we’re feeling the fear, we’re dropping the ego and stepping into the present … now from this place, we can practice opening.

What is practicing opening like? Imagine that you have to do the hard work to get your meaningful project started. You feel the fear and resistance, stay present with it, but open to the action of the task in front of you. You become fully present with the task, opening your mind and heart to it. You start to fully appreciate the beauty and joy of the task, opening yourself to this incredible experience, which might include discomfort, uncertainty, fear and resistance. All of it.

It’s all mixed in with the joy and gratitude you feel for being here, now, with this task. Doing it for people you care about. It’s fantastic, and you have the privilege of being able to do it.

-AG

A Guide to Dealing with Dissatisfaction with Ourselves

September 23, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

The more I talk to people about their struggles, the more I realize that we all have some sense of dissatisfaction with ourselves.

I have it, and I’d be willing to bet everyone reading this does too. Consider some of the ways we’re dissatisfied with ourselves:

We constantly have a feeling that we should be better, doing more, more productive, more mindful, and so on.
We doubt ourselves when we have to speak in a group or in public, and feel that we’re not good enough to contribute.
We are unhappy with certain aspects of ourselves, like our bodies, the way our faces look, the way we procrastinate or get angry or lose patience as a partner or parent.
We think we need to improve.

This is a constant condition, and even if we get a compliment from someone, we find a way to undercut it in our minds because we think we’re not good enough for that compliment.

It affects our lives in so many ways: we might not be good at making friends, speaking in public or in a group, finding a partner, doing the work we’re passionate about, finding contentment with ourselves and our lives.

And we don’t like feeling this way, so we run. We find distraction, comfort in food or alcohol or drugs or shopping, lash out at other people when we’re feeling defensive about ourselves. It’s at the heart of nearly all of our problems.

So how do we deal with this underlying problem? The answer is profoundly simple, yet not easy.

Before I go into dealing with the problem, we should discuss something first — the idea that we need to be dissatisfied with ourselves to make life improvements.

Unhappiness with Self as a Motivator

I used to think, as many people do, that if we’re unhappy with ourselves, we’ll be driven to get better. And if we were all of a sudden content with ourselves, we’d stop doing anything.

I no longer believe this. I do think we’re often driven to make improvements because we’re dissatisfied with ourselves, and that’s not a bad thing. We have hope for something better.

But consider:

When we are unhappy with ourselves, it’s hard to be happy when we do something good. We’re still dissatisfied. So doing something good, then, isn’t the reward it could be.
We have habits of running from this bad feeling about ourselves, so procrastination and distraction become the default mode, and this gets in the way of our efforts. In fact, we’ll never solve the problems of distraction and procrastination until we can learn to deal with this problem of unhappiness with self.
Unhappiness with self can get in the way of connecting with others (because we think we’re not good enough, and so can feel anxiety about meeting others). We can’t solve this, no matter how much we want to improve, until we address the underlying issue.
Even when we make an improvement, the feeling of dissatisfaction with self doesn’t go away. So we try to improve some more, and it still doesn’t go away. In my experience, it never does, until you’re ready to face it head on.
During this awesome period of self improvement driven by dissatisfaction, we don’t love ourselves. Which is a sad thing.

So is it possible to get things done and make improvements without dissatisfaction with self? I’ve discovered that the answer is a definite “yes.”

You can exercise and eat healthy not because you dislike your body and want to make it better … but because you love yourself and want to inspire your family. You can do work out of love for the people it will help. You can declutter, get out of debt, read more, and meditate not because you’re dissatisfied with yourself … but because you love yourself and others.

In fact, I would argue that you’re more likely to do all of those things if you love yourself, and less likely if you dislike yourself.

Dealing with Dissatisfaction

What can we do about our continual dissatisfaction with ourselves? How do we deal with self-doubt, feeling like we’re not good enough, unhappiness with certain parts of ourselves?

It turns out that these feelings are perfect opportunities — to learn about ourselves and how to be friends with ourselves.

Here’s how:

Each time we have these feelings, we can pause and just notice.
Turn towards the feeling, seeing how it feels in your body. Be curious about how it feels, physically.
Instead of running from this feeling, stay with it. Instead of rejecting it, try opening up to it and accepting it.
Open yourself up to the pain of this feeling, and see it as a path to opening up your heart. In this way, getting in touch with the pain is a liberating act.
See this difficult feeling as a sign of a good heart, soft and tender and loving. You wouldn’t care about being a good person, or a “good enough” person, if you didn’t have a good heart. There is a basic goodness beneath all of our difficulties, and we just need to stay and notice this goodness.
Smile at yourself, and cultivate an unconditional friendliness to all that you see.

Now, I’m not claiming that this is an easy method, nor that it will cure our difficulties in one fell swoop. But it can start to form a trusting relationship with yourself, which can make an amazing difference.

I recommend that you practice this each time you notice self-criticism, self-doubt, unhappiness with yourself, harshness towards what you see in yourself. It only has to take a minute, as you face what you feel and stay with it, with unconditional friendliness.

If you really want to focus on this powerful change, reflect on it once a day by journaling at the end of the day, reviewing how you did and what you can do to remember to practice.

In the end, I think you’ll find that love is a more powerful motivator than unhappiness with yourself. And I hope you’ll find a friendship with yourself that will radiate out into your relationships with everyone else you know and meet.

-AG

The Path of Fearlessness

September 20, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

The more I work with people who are struggling with habits or life problems, the more I see how fears are holding us back.

Fears stop us from building healthy and productive habits. Fears cause us to procrastinate, keep us from finding work that is meaningful (or doing that work if we’ve found it). Fears keep us from finding friends or connecting with people on a deeper level. Fears keep us from being happy in each moment.

Underlying all of those fears are a few key fears:

Fear of failure or being unprepared
Fear of uncertainty
Fear of being inadequate or being rejected

The two key fears are the fears of uncertainty and not being good enough, and in my experience, they’re both the same thing. We’re afraid of the uncertain future (and uncertain situations) because we don’t think we’re good enough to handle whatever might come out of the chaos.

These two fears (uncertainty and inadequacy) affect our lives in so many ways, and yet we rarely face them. We don’t want to feel these fears, so we run. We distract ourselves. We keep busy instead of being still to feel them. We find comfort in food and smoking and alcohol and TV.

In the end, the running doesn’t work, but only makes things worse.

There’s an alternative: the Path of Fearlessness.

Three Keys to Developing Fearlessness

What would our lives be like if we didn’t have fear holding us back?

We might find the freedom and joy that comes in being present with each moment.

We might find the underlying goodness that’s always there in each of us.

We might be able to finally live the lives we’ve always wanted to live.

So how do we walk this Path of Fearlessness?

Three practices to work with:

Facing the fear mindfully. The truth is, we rarely allow ourselves to feel our fears. We run from them, pretend they aren’t there, distract ourselves, lash out at others, trying to find control. But we don’t even admit we have these fears, most of the time, let alone actually allow ourselves to feel them. So the practice is to just sit there when you notice yourself feeling any fear, and see if you can stay with it for awhile. Don’t stay with the story about the fear in your head, but rather how it feels in your body. See that it is stressful or painful or uncomfortable. Notice the particular physical feeling of this fear, this time. See if it changes. See what you can learn about it. See if you can be compassionate with it.
Seeing your underlying goodness. As we sit in meditation, we can see that this moment is actually pretty wonderful. And this moment includes ourselves. We are part of the unconditional goodness of every single moment, and if we sit still we can start to feel that. There is goodness in our hearts, all the time, if we allow ourselves to feel it. There is the ability to appreciate and wonder, to feel and to love, to be present and to be grateful. Start to appreciate this, and you’ll start to develop confidence that you’ll be OK, even in uncertainty, even if you’re being judged, even if you put yourself out there with vulnerability.
Embracing the joy of groundlessness. Uncertainty is scary because we don’t like the feeling of not having stable ground under our feet. We want certainty, control, stability, permanence … but life is filled with uncertainty, impermanence, shakiness, chaos. This causes the fear. Instead, we can start to embrace this uncertainty, see the beauty in impermanence, see the positivity of groundlessness. This uncertainty means we don’t know what will happen, which means we can be surprised by every moment! We can be filled with curiosity about what will emerge. We can reinvent ourselves each moment, because nothing is set, nothing is determined. There is joy in this groundlessness, if we embrace it.

No, these are not easy practices. But you can practice with them right now, and set aside a few minutes each morning to practice. You’ll see your confidence emerge, your fears dissipate a bit, your ability to appreciate each moment and yourself grow.

The Path of Fearlessness is one of mindfulness, of daily practice, and of finding the courage to face and push past the fears into joy.

-AG

Zen of Busy: Continual Letting Go When You’re Overwhelmed

September 18, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

These past two weeks have been hectic and exhausting for me. I’ve been in non-stop planning, coordinating, designing, cleaning, and traveling around mode.

Yesterday it was a long, tiring and busy day. Incredibly tiring, but busy.

In the midst of this busyness, I’ve been trying to remember the practice of “continual letting go.”

I see it as a Zen practice: whatever you think you know, let go of it. Whatever you are sure of, let go of it. My mantra is: You know nothing. The result is that when I remind myself of this, I try to see things from a fresh perspective. I realize that I think I know something but I don’t really, and so I try to see it as if I don’t know.

What’s the point of this? By continually letting go, we don’t have to be so stressed out. When we realize we don’t know:

We don’t have to be mad when someone is acting in a way we don’t like.
We don’t have to have anxiety when we don’t know if things will go as planned or hoped.
We don’t have to have all the answers. We can have questions and curiosity instead.
We don’t have to get into a tense “No I’m right” battle with anyone else.
We don’t judge other people as much, so we can be open to who they are and have a good relationship with them.
We don’t have to control things, but can instead just try to be helpful without controlling the outcome.

The benefit of this is that by continually letting go of what I think things should be, of what I think I know, of needing to have control or certainty … I can just let go and relax. I can do my best, but not stress out about it when things don’t go my way.

I don’t have to be afflicted by anything. I can be busy, but not afflicted by that busyness. I can be tired, but not afflicted by the fact of my tiredness. I can have things go differently than I planned, but not be afflicted by that fact. The first conditions (busy, tired, things not going as planned) are not always in my control. But I can let go of knowing, and so not be afflicted by any of these conditions. Being afflicted by the conditions of life is what causes our real problems.

So in the midst of tiredness, busyness, chaos … I try to remember to let go, continually.

When someone comes to me with something unexpected, I try to let go of what I thought the situation was. Then I open up to this new situation, with fresh eyes.

When someone is cross with me or grumpy, I try to let go of how I think they should be acting. And then be curious about why they’re acting that way, and love them in the midst of their suffering.

When things are messy or disorderly, not the way I like them, I try to let go of the way I think things should be. Then I try to see the situation with fresh eyes, understanding that there will always be chaos and mess, and that this too can be loved.

I see that I’m stressed and holding onto the way I want things to be, and so I tell myself I know nothing. And I let go. Then something else comes up and tightness comes up in my body, and I notice this and try to let go. I breathe, smile, and open up. I see things as a beginner. It happens again and again, often from one moment to the next, and I try to continuously let go, let go, let go.

And by letting go of what I know, I’m opening myself up to what’s in front of me. This unfolding moment of unexpectedness.

And it is truly magnificent.

-AG

Powerful Courageousness: Practices to Expand Yourself & Your Gift

September 10, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

Imagine a man who serves everyone around him deeply, so powerfully that they are all filled with their own sense of purpose. But he only does this when he is in the right mood, when he’s not distracted by online articles, when he’s not tired or lonely, when he’s not criticized by those around him and when his house and office are perfectly clean.

Those he fills with a sense of their own purpose would be less filled. Those he gives his love to would be deprived, because he has such a narrow range of when he’s willing to push himself to offer his gift to others.

This is how most of us live our lives. Shrinking from the challenge of focusing on our purpose-filled work, because we’re tired or sad or anxious or stressed, because we’re allowing ourselves to be distracted and pulled in thousands of directions.

This is our failing, and it’s our opportunity for growth.

When you are “not feeling it,” and are procrastinating on focusing on your purpose … this is a time to notice how you feel, notice that you’re shrinking away because you aren’t in the perfect mood … and then expand yourself.

You expand by:

Opening up your heart in the middle of pain or stress, and allowing yourself to fully feel. Don’t shrink away, but find the courage to be incredibly present with whatever you’re feeling.
Feeling love for your experience, for whatever is causing you stress or pain, and not rejecting it. Seeing it as your teacher, your beautiful practice ground.
Reminding yourself of the gift you need to offer the world. Reminding yourself of your purpose. Bringing your open heart to that work.
Pushing yourself into the discomfort of focusing on that purpose, even if you are feeling sad or hurt or frustrated or distracted. Pushing yourself into the discomfort of saying no to all the distractions and busywork, and just doing what you need to do to offer your gift.

This is your challenge, in every moment. Expand your range by not needing conditions to be perfect. Not needing everything to be in order. Not needing to have all your messages responded to, all your inboxes and social media checked, all your articles read, all your crumbs swept up, before you dive into your purpose.

Expand your range by not allowing yourself to shrink. It’s like putting yourself in arctic conditions, in desert conditions, and practicing your art despite the unhappiness.

In fact, you use the unhappiness and chaos to offer your gift. You take that stress and pain, and you turn it into love. That brilliance is a part of your gift.

Let’s look at some specific practices for expanding your range of conditions so that you are no longer robbing the world of what you have to offer.

Practices to Expand Yourself

Once a day (to start with), create a space for practicing. Set yourself some purpose-filled work to do. Then try these practices:

Notice what you’re feeling. Are you tired, stressed, frustrated, angry, sad, lonely, distracted, hurt, anxious? Then fully feel it. Forget about everything else in the world and just be fully present with whatever you’re feeling. Not the narrative in your head about what you’re feeling, but the actual physical feeling in your chest, stomach, head.
Open your heart to that feeling. Love it. Don’t reject it, wish it would go away, try to get rid of it. Just freakin’ love it. And love its cause: the work stressing you out, the person who criticized you, the unhappy situation in your life. Love it as if it were the most beautiful thing on Earth. Which it is.
Open your heart in the middle of this discomfort, and then take the first step in doing your work. Do the first small action, the tiniest movement, in the middle of these arctic conditions. See it as training for your heart. Courage training. Hold your heart open as you do it, keeping in mind who you’re serving.
Love even fiercer as you do the next small step. Don’t let your people down. Imagine that you would die for them, do anything to serve them, and that you hold them powerfully in your heart.

Repeat these practices every day. See your range grow. See your gift grow out into the world, unhindered by life’s impediments. Sing your song powerfully and courageously, lifting up every soul around you. Then bow in gratitude to your practice.

-AG

A Mantra for Dealing with Life’s Annoyances

September 03, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

As I write this, I’ve been dealing with a couple of hardships... right in the middle of traveling, sleep difficulties, big life changes, a workload that’s piling high, and more.

As you might imagine, there is a way of seeing all of this as stressful, annoying, difficult, and just generally sucky. I don’t see it that way at all, but it’s easy to get into that mindset, which means it all becomes that much more stressful.

When you’re in a state of stress or tiredness, it can also be easy to get annoyed at little things — the dog barking or construction noises outside, people making rude comments or being late (yet again), tech problems and the state of national politics. Yep, all of these and much more can be super annoying.

But being constantly annoyed isn’t good for us. We not only become less happy, we are less pleasant to our loved ones, less open to the world, less devoted to what we care most about, less focused on the important work we’re doing in the world.

Maybe we should get people to change, to be less frustrating, more on time for meetings, less inconsiderate! Yes, helping people to make positive changes is a good idea, but waiting to be happy until everyone and everything changes to the way you want them to be is a good way to be constantly unhappy and even more frustrated.

Let’s not wait until the world changes to be happy.

Instead, let’s shift. I’m going to give you a simple practice, and a mantra, for dealing with every single annoyance on Earth.

First, a Simple Practice

When you’re annoyed, it’s a little pain. OK, sometimes a big pain. It’s a hurt that you react to with irritation, frustration or anger.

The first step is to deal with the hurt. And a simple loving-kindness meditation (as corny as that might sound to some of you) is a good healing treatment.

There are longer versions of this meditation, but here’s a simple version:

Sit still for a moment. Notice the irritation or hurt. Notice how it feels, and stay with that sensation for a moment.
Now, with a feeling of genuine kindness and love, say to yourself, “May I find an end to my pain. May I be happy.” Try to genuinely wish this for yourself.
Repeat it several times, until it feels very genuine. Feel free to repeat it a few more times if it helps.

If you have a hard time wishing yourself happiness, start with someone who you love unconditionally — picture them in your mind, and send them a genuine wish: “May they find an end to their suffering. May they be happy.” Remember how this genuine wish feels, and then send it to yourself in the same way.

This can take just 10 seconds. And it helps you feel a little less difficulty.

Where Our Annoyance Comes From

Before we get into the mantra, it’s important to understand why we get annoyed in the first place. I know, it’s the other person’s fault, right? They’re being rude, inconsiderate, late, or just plain wrong.

But actually annoyances come from a way of interpreting the world. And it’s not helpful to us most of the time.

Here’s an example: this person is always late. This fact isn’t a problem in itself — it’s a problem because we interpret it that way.

The annoyance comes from a way of seeing this situation: “Their being late is inconsiderate! Why don’t they think of how it’s affecting me? Why can’t they take just a little time to make sure they show up on time, as I have?”

But this way of seeing the situation has a deeper layer that applies to other situations: “When people/the world aren’t how I want them to be, it’s annoying/frustrating/painful/sucky.”

When people don’t act the way we want them to act, we find this painful and frustrating. When the world isn’t the way we want it, we find it frustrating.

As you can imagine, this isn’t helpful. It makes us less happy, it makes us like people (and the world around us) less, it hurts our relationships and our work in the world.

So what we need is a new filter. We’ll accomplish that with a mantra.

A Mantra to Shift the World

The filter of how we see things, explained above, is not helpful. So we need a new one.

A filter of reality I’ve found useful is: “I celebrate the gorgeous divinity in every person and every thing.”

Imagine that — every single person is filled with a gorgeous divinity. The entire world, every object and every being, is filled with the same divinity.

What do I mean by “divinity”? If you’re religious, you already have a meaning of that word, but if you’re not, it can still have a powerful meaning. Even if you’re an atheist, you can see a godlike quality in the trees, the wind, the people you love, cherry blossoms falling to the ground, light filtering into your home in the early morning. There is a divinity in everything around us, if we choose to see and appreciate it.

So create a mantra that reminds you of that fact. Maybe, “Everything is filled with an awesome divinity! Hell yeah!”

Repeat the mantra to yourself during the day. Yell it out if you find a good space to do that. Say it with the enthusiasm it deserves!

The world around us, and every being in it, is filled with a gorgeous divinity that we can celebrate, fall in love with, moment to moment.

Even the rude people — it can be more of a challenge seeing the divinity in someone when they’re being an ass, but you’re up to the challenge. See the good heart underneath their reactiveness, the pain underneath their anger, the years of difficulty and stress that have resulted in them being who they are. And then see the beauty in their humanity, the sweetness in the connection between the two of you.

Life shifts when you practice this mantra. People become incredible beings filled with the wonders of the cosmos. Your heart becomes filled with joy and gratitude, and their being late becomes an opportunity to see what a gift it is that they are here with you at all.

-AG

Creating the Time to Do What You Love Every Day

August 31, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

Our days are often filled with things we have to do, and things we do to comfort ourselves from the stress and tiredness from doing what we have to do … so we end up putting off what we really want to do.

Think about that for a second: our days are filled with have to do stuff, and comforting stuff. With very little room for things we love to do.

When will we find time to do what we love? When when things calm down, when the visitors leave and the trips we have planned are finished and the holidays are over and this busy project is wrapped up and the kids are grown up and we’re retired? Maybe when we’re dead there will be more time.

There will never be more time. Things are not going to change, get calmer or less busy. There will always be projects, trips, chores, errands, visitors, holidays, illness and death. What we’ve been stuck in for the last few months, the last few years — that’s exactly how life goes.

The challenge isn’t waiting for something to change … it’s making the time no matter what’s going on.

What do you really want to do, that you’ve been putting off? What do you love? What makes you happy, replenishes you, fills you up with joy, helps you fall in love with life? What connects you to the eternal? What is it that you feel you must do because life is too precious not to do it?

Some ideas:

Going for a beautiful walk
Reading
Meditating, doing yoga, journaling, reflecting
Hiking, biking, running, climbing, rowing, traipsing about
Creating, making, building, crafting, blogging, vlogging, logging, hogging
Communing with nature
Communing with loved ones
Communing with yourself
Creating or growing a business, a venture, an organization, a community
Making others’ lives better
Working on a skill

So you’ve identified something you love doing, but you’ve been putting it off until the time is right … can you do it today?

What would open up in you if you knew for a certainty you were going to do this thing you love today? Even if only for 30 minutes?

Carve out that time. Do it now! Leo said so. Put it on your calendar, write a love note to yourself so you don’t forget, set a reminder, tell people you’re going to do it. And make. It. Happen.

Cut out some TV time. Cut out some Internet time. Cut out some time you spend on Facebook, messaging, email, chat, chores, shooting the breeze, drinking alcohol, smoking pot, eating snacks, whatever. Find the time, as if it were an imperative from the gods.

Make it something you can’t not do, because it’s so crucial to your life.

Do it every day for the next month, and see what changes. I challenge you to do it.

-AG

How to Choose Your Purpose-Filled Career

August 28, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

The other day, I was thinking about what advice I’d give to my future children as they think about what work they want to do in the world, as they grow up … and at first, I thought of the usual ways people think about it …

Try to do something to help others or make the world better, that you might enjoy.

Before you move on, consider the possibilities of serving others or making the world a better place:

Volunteering to help the elderly, the homeless, underprivileged children, disaster relief, building homes for the homeless, taking care of animals, etc.
Becoming a doctor or nurse or massage therapist or physical therapist or fitness trainer because you really want to help heal people or make them healthy.
Taking care of children, teaching or studying child counseling, because you really want to help children get a great start in life, or blossom into who they want to be.
Becoming an entrepreneur, or learning to program and then starting an app company that will change the world in a better way.
Getting into government or social work to improve the conditions of the community you live in.
Writing or coaching or teaching people online to help them solve their problems, improve their lives.
Making fun spaces, restaurants, activities, hikes, so that people can find joy in their lives.
Becoming a yoga or meditation teacher so people can find peace in their lives.
Becoming a scientist to help alleviate the environmental crisis or find a cure for a terrible disease.

And so on. Each of these are just one of many possibilities of making someone’s life better, of serving a community, of making the world better. Each of them is filled with purpose, and if you choose one of them for that purpose, you will serve in that work feeling a sense of purpose each day.

There are endless ways to do that, of course — you could be a manager that serves a team, a customer service representative that puts smiles on people’s faces, a web designer that helps businesses shine online, and so forth. The point isn’t how you serve the world, but just serving the world in some way will help you feel filled with purpose.

If you choose a purposeful job that also seems like fun, that seems enjoyable, you’re way further along than most people.

It doesn’t have to be a typical job, either. You can volunteer or create something that doesn’t exist in your area (a place for peace and relaxation, a place for adults to play, a place for animal lovers to connect to each other), you could just connect other people of similar interests and make their lives better through connection and community. These don’t seem like typical jobs, but I bet you that if you served people in these (and other) ways, you’ll eventually find a career doing that, a career that feels purposeful and beautiful. It can take awhile to actually make a living doing it, but it will very likely happen. And even if it doesn’t, you still served people in a wonderful way, and were happy doing it.

-AG

How to Be Mindful All the Time

August 27, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

I often get asked about how to remember to be mindful more of the time — how can we remember to not only be present more, but to be compassionate, to drop into our bodies when we’re feeling difficult emotions, to have a beginner’s mind, to relax into the chaos of the moment?

How can we be mindful a little more of the time?

I would challenge you to something higher: how can we be mindful allthe time?

The answer is that we can’t. I don’t know anyone, even Zen priests, who is mindful all the time. But that shouldn’t stop us from having that intention — while not holding onto the ideal or expectation.

What would happen if we held an intention to be mindful all the time? What would shift for us?

I believe holding this intention causes a few shifts:

It drops any stories we might have that “meditating is hard” or “I can’t remember to be mindful” … with an intention to do it all the time, we drop all barriers and just work on holding the intention more.
No matter what comes up for us, it’s part of the practice. Get angry or frustrated? No problem — it’s just something to be mindful of, to practice with. Disappointed with yourself that you weren’t mindful today? No problem — just practice with that disappointment!
We start to relax into this new possibility. We stop struggling against it. We start imagining what we can do to actually make it happen, even if we know that it might not even be possible.
We practice more. And more.

Can you turn toward this intention to be mindful all the time? Can you open yourself to this impossible intention?

Let’s talk about how to hold the intention as best we can.

Why It’s Important to Be Mindful More

Why even bother with an impossible intention like this? You’d better have a pretty good reason, because it will not come easily. There will be forgetting, disappointment, difficulty, struggle, and constant starting again. All beautiful things!

Have a deeper reason than, “It would be cool.” For example, some reasons I’ve found to be important:

Being mindful helps us to be more at peace. Struggle less. Be more in touch with whatever difficulties come up for us.
We can better deal with our urges to be constantly busy, to run to distraction, to give in to our cravings for food, shopping, drink, drugs, TV, games, sports and more.
We can deal with our aversions to situations, things people do, things about ourselves with some mindfulness, not letting ourselves shy away from or lash out at those aversions. Not letting ourselves procrastinate just because we think something is unpleasant. In fact, we can see that the aversions are not a big deal.
We can be more compassionate with other people, and ourselves. When someone is acting badly, we can see that they are in pain, and cultivate a genuine wish for them to not have that pain, for them to be happy, even if we don’t agree with their actions. We can do the same for ourselves, when we don’t act as we wished we would, and we feel pain about letting ourselves and others down.
We appreciate the moment more, and are more fully present and grateful for each day, knowing that the days are fleeting and precious, slipping away from us and not to be taken for granted.

You might have your own reasons. Perhaps you want to fully soak in the time you have with your kids, or a dying parent. Perhaps you know your days are limited, and the thought of spending those days distracted is heartbreaking to you. Perhaps you’re struggling greatly with someone you love, and you want to drop your stories about them and be more loving to them.

Maybe you have meaningful work to do in the world, and you’ve been letting distractions and urges get in the way, and you want to find a mindful way to do that meaningful work more of the time.

Find a reason that’s worth practicing for, that’s more important than the small discomforts you’ll encounter as you practice.

How to Remember to Be Mindful All The Time

Remembering something all the time doesn’t come naturally to us — we have to set up our environment to make it more likely to happen.

So here’s what I recommend:

Set an intention and write it down. It could be as simple as, “Be mindful all day long, for my kids.” Post it somewhere you can see it often.
Tell others your intention. Ask them to hold your intention in your heart. And to check on how you’re upholding it.
Check in with this intention every morning. Maybe even say it out loud.
Put visual reminders everywhere. A little Buddha on your kitchen counter. A note that reminds you on your bathroom mirror. A wrist mala that you wear everywhere. A reminder on your phone lock screen and computer wallpaper.
Have a morning practice. Even just 5-10 minutes in the morning where you sit and just pay attention to your body, your breath, and your surroundings is enough. If you want to do more, great! Or do yoga if moving meditation appeals to you more. But some kind of morning practice helps anchor the rest of your day, and is a simplified practice for what you do when there are more moving parts.
Have regular check-in times. For example, before you start eating a meal, pause to check in with your intention. It will help you to be more mindful as you eat. Or check in when you start a shower, get into your car, walk into your office or leave the office.
Slowly add mindfulness bells. A mindfulness bell can be anything in your environment. Thich Nhat Hanh suggested using traffic lights as a mindfulness bell — when you see one, instead of getting caught up in the stress of driving, allow yourself to become present. You can slowly find other mindfulness bells — your daughter’s face, opening your computer, having your first cup of coffee, hearing a train going by.
Review at the end of your day. As you close out your day, have a 2-minute review. Look back on your day and see how you stayed with your intention. See what tripped you up. Celebrate your successes. Think about how you can add more reminders or bells or regular check-in times or accountability to stick to your intention better tomorrow.

You don’t have to incorporate all of these ideas, but they are elements you might play with, see what helps the most.

How to Constantly Learn and Grow

If you practice mindfulness like this, with the recommendations above, you’ll get better and better at the skill of remembering, of dropping in, of being with whatever arises.

But there will be a part of you who thinks you should be doing better. Practice with this pain in the way I outlined in the previous section — it’s just a small pain, you can handle it.

Then, from a place of peace, you can deepen your learning. Drop in some more, and see if you can fully feel every single emotion.

Notice the areas where you’re resisting being mindful, and see if you can open up to that resistance.

Notice the areas where you forget to be mindful most often — it’s usually an area where you get easily hooked — and see if you can practice with this hookedness in small doses. See if you can get help in these areas.

Notice where you are having the most difficulty, and see if you can start to loosen up your thoughts that are causing the difficulty. If you’re really angry with someone for behaving how they shouldn’t, for example, try being curious about these super solid thoughts about how the other person should behave. Is it really true that they should behave that way? How do you know? I don’t even know how I should behave, let alone how someone else should behave. What would you be like if you could let go of that thought? See the work of Byron Katie for more on this inquiry.

Over and over, see where your edges are. We all have an edge, a place where it’s difficult for us, and it’s different for every person. Find those edges, and push into them daily, relishing the gnarliness of the discomfort of the edges!

-AG

RISK IT ALL

August 26, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

“The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you. Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”

-AG

8 Key Lessons for Living a Simple Life

August 23, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

For the last couple of years, I’ve been living a (relatively) simple life. At times, the complexity of my life grows, and I renew my commitment to living simply.

Living a simple life is about paring back, so that you have space to breathe. It’s about doing with less, because you realize that having more and doing more doesn’t lead to happiness. It’s about finding joys in the simple things, and being content with solitude, quiet, contemplation and savoring the moment.

I’ve learned some key lessons for living a simple life, and I thought I’d share a few with you.

We create our own struggles. All the stress, all the frustrations and disappointments, all the busyness and rushing … we create these with attachments in our heads. By letting go, we can relax and live more simply.
Become mindful of attachments that lead to clutter and complexity. For example, if you are attached to sentimental items, you won’t be able to let go of clutter. If you are attached to living a certain way, you will not be able to let go of a lot of stuff. If you are attached to doing a lot of activities and messaging everyone, your life will be complex.
Distraction, busyness and constant switching are mental habits. We don’t need any of these habits, but they build up over the years because they comfort us. We can live more simply by letting go of these mental habits. What would life be like without constant switching, distraction and busyness?
Single-task by putting your life in full-screen mode. Imagine that everything you do — a work task, answering an email or message, washing a dish, reading an article — goes into full-screen mode, so that you don’t do or look at anything else. You just inhabit that task fully, and are fully present as you do it. What would your life be like? In my experience, it’s much less stressful when you work and live this way. Things get your full attention, and you do them much better. And you can even savor them.
Create space between things. Add padding to everything. Do half of what you imagine you can do. We tend to cram as much as possible into our days. And this becomes stressful, because we always underestimate how long things will take, and we forget about maintenance tasks like putting on clothes and brushing teeth and preparing meals. We never feel like we have enough time because we try to do too much. But what would it be like if we did less? What would it be like if we padded how long things took, so that we have the space to actually do them well, with full attention? What would it be like if we took a few minutes’ pause between tasks, to savor the accomplishment of the last task, to savor the space between things, to savor being alive?
Find joy in a few simple things. For me, those include writing, reading/learning, walking and doing other active things, eating simple food, meditating, spending quality time with people I care about. Most of that doesn’t cost anything or require any possessions (especially if you use the library for books!). I’m not saying I have zero possessions, nor that I only do these few things. But to the extent that I remember the simple things I love doing, my life suddenly becomes simpler. When I remember, I can let go of everything else my mind has fixated on, and just find the simple joy of doing simple activities.
Get clear about what you want, and say no to more things. We are rarely very clear on what we want. When we see someone post a photo of something cool, we might all of a sudden get fixed on doing that too, and suddenly the course of our lives veer off in a new direction. Same thing if we read about something cool, or watch a video of a new destination or hobby. When someone invites us to something cool, we instantly want to say yes, because our minds love saying yes to everything, to all the shiny new toys. What if we became crystal clear on what we wanted in life? If we knew what we wanted to create, how we wanted to live … we could say yes to these things, and no to everything else. Saying no to more things would simplify our lives.
Practice doing nothing, exquisitely. How often do we actually do nothing? OK, technically we’re always “doing something,” but you know what I mean — just sit there and do nothing. No need to plan, no need to read, no need to watch something, no need to do a chore or eat while you do nothing. Just don’t do anything. Don’t accomplish anything, don’t take care of anything. What happens is you will start to notice your brain’s habit of wanting to get something done — it will almost itch to do something. This exposes our mental habits, which is a good thing. However, keep doing nothing. Just sit for awhile, resisting the urge to do something. After some practice, you can get good at doing nothing. And this leads to the mental habit of contentment, gratitude without complaining.

Of course, these are not the only lessons you’ll need for living a simple life. But the best ones are the ones you discover yourself. Try these and see what happens — I think you’ll find out something beautiful about yourself, and about life.

The best kind of simplicity is that which exposes the raw beauty, joy and heartbreak of life as it is.

-AG

Act with Devotion & Intention, Letting Go of Attachment to Outcome

August 19, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

Have you felt doubts about whether you can do it or not? Or have you tensely doing everything you can to make sure it will turn out the way you hope?

The stress, fear, doubt and tension here all come from an attachment to the outcome, to how things will turn out. We want to lose weight and get fit (the results of the exercise) or be brilliant at our new project and have everyone think we’re wonderful.

But perhaps we could acknowledge that:

The outcome isn’t always fully in our control. Sometimes other people get in the way or unintentionally sabotage a project, sometimes things happen that we didn’t expect, sometimes despite our best efforts things just turn out differently than we pictured in our heads. On a training plan, the weather could get worse than we thought, we might come down with a flu for a week, we might get injured or things come up to throw our schedule off.
There are multiple outcomes that will be OK, if not great. For example, maybe we won’t get six-pack abs if we do our best with this plan, or maybe we won’t finish the marathon we’re training for … but maybe we’ll get healthier despite not meeting the goal? Maybe we’ll enjoy the exercise, maybe we can meet other people trying to get healthier, and maybe we’ll experience beautiful outdoors that we wouldn’t otherwise get to experience? On our new project, maybe it won’t turn out as well as we hope, but we could still enjoy the process, learn a lot, form good relationships with our team or client, get better at the process itself. The outcome we hope for isn’t the only one we can be happy with, and sometimes the actual outcome will be better than we hoped for, if we’re open to it.
Focusing on the outcome is detrimental. It causes us to stress out, to enjoy the process less, sometimes to not even start something because we don’t think we have a chance of getting the desired outcome. We don’t ever write that novel because we think we can’t write a good one. But how do you ever get good at writing a novel if you never attempt it? It also causes us to be disappointed with the outcome when it’s not what we want, to be disappointed in ourselves when we don’t live up to our own expectations, to feel that we’re not enough (or others are not enough).

But what if the outcome matters? You are supposed to hit an objective of X for your work … don’t you need to focus on the outcome? Well, you should do the actions that are most likely going to get you that outcome … plan out the steps, then do the steps … but as you’re doing each of the steps themselves, you don’t have to be attached to the outcome.

Let’s explore that a bit, see how to do it and why it might be helpful.

Letting Go of Attachment to Outcome

Letting go of our attachment to the outcome is freeing. It helps us to be more present with the doing, the being, the act itself, rather than what might come in the future. It can help us have better relationships, because we’re more focused on the people than the goal. It can help us have a better relationship to ourselves, as we focus on our own well-being and contentment, rather than some external source of possible happiness (spoiler: happiness doesn’t come from external things).

What can you focus on instead of outcome? A few good ideas:

The intention. I’ve found my intention in doing a task to be much more important than the outcome. It’s what I hope to bring to the task rather than what I hope to get out of it. It’s how I want to show up right now, rather than what I want things to be in the future. Examples: I have an intention to be helpful and loving as I write this post; I intend to be mindful and appreciative of nature as I go out for a walk or run; I intend to be fully present with the person I’m talking to, compassionate and open-hearted with them. I bring this intention and try to let it inform how I work, how I do anything in the world.
The effort. Instead of worrying about how things will turn out, pay attention instead to how focused you are on it, how much effort you’re putting into it, how mindful you are as you do it. How much of your heart are you putting into it? How much love and care are you giving it?
The process. The outcome is a result of the process — if you’re not getting the outcome you want, focus on improving the process. How much care are you taking as you do it? How can you step up your game? Don’t worry about the outcome as much as you pay attention to how you’re doing things.
The moment. What is beautiful about this particular moment, as you do the action? What can you notice? Can you be curious as you do the act, instead of having a fixed mindset? What is there to appreciate about yourself, about the other person, about everything around you, right now?
Relationships. Much more important than the outcome is the relationship you have with the people you’re serving and working with, or your relationship with your loved ones. When you’re focused on the outcome, you often disregard the feelings of the people you’re working with, snapping at them when they’re not doing things the way you’d like. Instead, you can focus on your connection with them, on finding ways to make them enjoy the process more, on being loving or compassionate.

Think about how this might change things for you. If you’re working on a shaky new project, you can let go of how you might want things to turn out, and instead focus on how you want to show up, what is beautiful about the moment, having fun with the effort, playing and being curious, being more loving to yourself and others. This transforms every act, every habit, every project, every moment with others.

Do every act out of devotion and love, with letting go of attachment to the outcome.

-AG

A Method for Creating a Life of Peacefulness

August 14, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

So you’re stressed, feeling overwhelmed — how can you use this difficulty to create peace?

It’s a simple method, but it takes practice.

It’s just three steps:

Face the difficulty. You’re feeling stressed, rushed, overwhelmed, frustrated? Instead of trying to exit from that feeling or situation, turn toward the feeling. Notice how it feels. Allow yourself to fully feel it. It’s not about the story about what’s going on, or your story about the feeling … these stories are actually causing the feeling. Instead, turn toward the physical sensation of the feeling itself. With curiosity: what is it like? What color, temperature, energy, texture does it have? Does it change? Find the courage to fully face this feeling, and fully experience it.
Open & relax. After a moment of that (it can take a minute or two of facing the feeling, or often just a few seconds) … allow yourself to open up to your present experience. Opening is about relaxing into it, opening your heart so that you aren’t closed to the experience but actually fully feeling it with rawness and tenderness, being present with gentleness, even finding love for this moment of stress. Even, possibly, falling in love with this beautiful moment, that includes the discomfort but isn’t limited to it, is so much more than that. In the end, the key is relaxing and letting go of whatever you need to let go of, in order to feel peace.
Take the next step, in peace. Finding a sense of peace in this moment, take the next step. Do what’s needed next — start writing that report or email, have the conversation, get moving with the project, make a list — but do it with this sense of peace. It’s a shift in the way we normally do things, which is with a sense of tension, rushing, tightness. Instead, do it with a relaxed sense of peace, smiling at the joy of doing.

“Peace is present right here and now, in ourselves and in everything we do and see. Every breath we take, every step we take, can be filled with peace, joy, and serenity. The question is whether or not we are in touch with it. We need only to be awake, alive in the present moment.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

OK, I said it’s simple, but in fact this can take a lot of practice. Just the first step is a huge shift for most people, but I promise, it can be done. Facing the difficulty is just turning your attention to it, and feeling it, with a sense of allowing it to be there rather than needing it to go away. This turning toward is a transformative practice, and if you only do this one step, it’ll be a powerful thing.

But the second step is powerful too: this is where a life of peacefulness comes from. It’s a recognition that peace is available to us at any time, that we don’t need to exit to find it, that we can stay, and love the place where we are, and at the same time, relax into peace. Ease into peace. Smile and find love for our life, just as it is.

The third step is about taking action from that place. We can sit and meditate and that’s great, but at some point we have to act. We can’t do a whole project at once, so we just focus on taking that first step. And we do it with peace in our hearts.

Then we repeat this whole process, over and over, until it becomes ingrained in us. That doesn’t mean the stress goes away forever, or that you’ll never know chaos again. On the contrary: you’ll know chaos better than you ever have before. Because you’ll learn to face it fully, and be with it, and smile with acceptance, gentleness, friendliness and gratitude.

In the end, this is a training in being fully present with whatever we’re facing. And finding peace with that — because a life of peacefulness isn’t one that’s absent of difficulty, but one that isn’t struggling so hard to run from it.

-AG

The Three Most Powerful Motivations

August 10, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

We all have times when we’re not sticking to our plans, not feeling psyched about what we’re supposed to be doing, and when we know we just need to get some motivation to get moving.

The usual motivational tips aren’t always very helpful.

But there are three motivations that I’ve personally found to be truly powerful.

Death meditation: remembering that your days are limited.
Loved one meditation: remembering the hearts of who you’re doing this for.
Play exploration: just being curious, having fun, finding adventure and exploration.

If you can bring in a combination of all three, you’ll be unstoppable. You’ll walk through walls.

Let’s dig into how to bring these tools to bear.

Remember That Your Days Are Limited

The Buddhists, the Stoics and the samurai all meditated on death, and it is a powerful thing to meditate on. It reminds you that time is fleeting, that ultimately we have a limited number of days, and that we must let go of the unimportant and get our butts moving!

“Meditation on inevitable death should be performed daily. Every day when one’s body and mind are at peace, one should meditate upon being ripped apart by arrows, rifles, spears and swords, being carried away by surging waves, being thrown into the midst of a great fire, being struck by lightning, being shaken to death by a great earthquake, falling from thousand-foot cliffs, dying of disease or committing seppuku at the death of one’s master. And every day without fail one should consider himself as dead.” - Hagakure: Book of the Samurai

Now, meditation on death might sound gruesome and depressing, but in truth, it’s liberating and incredibly motivating. If you knew that you only had a month to live, you’d cut out all the distractions and time-wasting crap, and get down to what’s truly important to you. What if you only had a year to live? What if you had five years? What would change for you?

It could also just be as simple as remembering that this night, our days are diminished by one. An evening Zen chant goes as follows:

"Let me respectfully remind you Life and death are of supreme importance. Time swiftly passes by and opportunity is lost. Each of us should strive to awaken. Awaken. Take heed. This night your days are diminished by one. Do not squander your life."
– Zen evening gatha (chant)

Imagine reminding yourself of this every evening. Some Buddhists meditate on death, imagining what their death would be like and visualizing their decaying corpses, five times a day.

For me, it’s as simple as remembering:

I will die, inevitably. This is just something to accept, and is a liberation once I’ve practiced that acceptance.
My days are limited. What do I want to do with them?
I could die right now. How do I want to live, how do I want to treat others, so that I can feel peace if I died in the next moment?

It helps me to be better to others, because that’s how I want to live. And it helps me to focus on the meaningful work I care most deeply about, because I know that’s more important than my own comfort and distractions.

Meditation on Loved Ones

There are lots of possible motivations for doing our work — from money to living the life you want to making yourself more comfortable or happy to serving the world in some bigger way. And many more possibilities. In fact, each act you do might have multiple motivations.

But I’ve found that doing it for people you care deeply about is incredibly powerful. And meditating on those people can really get you moving.

Why do I do any of the work I do? For money or praise? No, I do my work for a couple important reasons:

My family: I want to be the man that my future wife and kids look up to, a model in the world that they can use as they think about how to live. That doesn’t mean I have to be perfect, but it does mean I’m not going to shy away from fear or discomfort, or if I do, I can strive to learn from that experience. I don’t have to be superhuman, but I can strive to be loving toward myself, courageous, trustworthy. I think about my wife and kids and realize that I would do anything for them, and that they are more important to me than worrying about a little discomfort. They are worth pushing into uncertainty when I feel like procrastinating.
My readers: You guys. I think about you all the time, about how you are struggling with motivation and changes and chaos and difficulty, just like me. When I meditate on your joys and heartbreaks, struggles and loving hearts … it makes me feel connected to you. We are in this together. And so I want nothing less than to do this work for you, out of love for you.

Meditate on those you care deeply about. Find a place in your heart where you feel a deep love for them. Find a devotion in your heart that is more powerful than your inertia, or feelings of being stuck, or not wanting to do anything right now. They deserve for you to rise up, and meditating on their hearts regularly will be an incredible motivator.

Play & Exploration

Meditating on death can sound incredibly serious. Meditating on the hearts of your loved ones can feel moving but still pretty serious.

It’s important to lighten it up with a little play and adventure!

I’ve found that most things are impossible to sustain for very long if they’re only serious, if they’re boring, if they feel like a chore. You might be stuck right now in a project that feels like a chore.

What transforms that activity is turning it into something filled with some mix of:

exploration
curiosity
excitement
discovery
adventure
fun
humor
challenge
play

Now, not everything is going to be fun and exciting. But you can bring play and curiosity and exploration to most tasks.

For example:

Email and messages: Make it a game to zap as many emails from your inbox as possible. For 20 minutes max! Then move on to some other game. You might also bring a sense of humor and playfulness to how your write your emails, when appropriate.
Finances: Make it a game to get your debt as low as possible. Or your investments as big as possible. Or your expenses down below a certain threshold. Post the current number somewhere visible, and then get excited about trying to move the needle.
Writing a book: See it as an exploration of the unknown, an adventure where you are taking yourself (and your reader) into new territory, discovering, finding deep curiosity, learning about yourself as you emerge in the writing process.
Your to-do list: Instead of looking at it as a list of chores, can you see each item on the list as a new challenge, an opportunity to grow and show up in a new way, a new adventure or exploration? Can you be curious and open-minded about each one?

As you can see, bringing a sense of playfulness and exploration, curiosity and adventure, to anything you do can transform that activity. It makes it into something more fun, more about learning and stomping around in the woods. That’s something you’re much more likely to want to wake up to do each day than boring chores.

Four Additional Powerful Tips

The three powerful motivations above are life-changing, in my experience. But there are a few additional tips that really help:

Get rest. If you’re exhausted, it’s hard to get motivation. Stop staying up late on your computer or watching TV, and instead give yourself some loving rest. You will be much more motivated from this place of rest.
Find stillness. If your life is busyness and constant motion, constant doing … you will have a hard time going deep with anything, or pushing into discomfort when your habit is running to distraction all the time. Instead, pull yourself away, and find a place of quietude. Or even just sit still in the middle of busy motion, like on a subway train or in the middle of your city or office space. I found stillness in the middle of a mall the other day. This stillness and inner quiet that you cultivate by being still … it helps you to refresh yourself and come to your tasks with an intention that you can’t bring if you’re always rushing.
Start very small. If you want to walk up a mountain, don’t try to tackle the entire mountain at once. Just take the first step. It can feel very obvious to take a tiny first step, but don’t discount the power of this. Have a whole book to write? Try just writing one paragraph. You’ll see what shifts once you do that.
Create powerful accountability. Can’t stick to your intention of creating this new project or business? Get a sacred board of directors to hold your intention, to keep you on track. Meet with them weekly. Be honest about what you’re afraid of, what’s been holding you back, what you did to move forward, what your intentions are for this coming week. Tell them to not let you fail. Tell them to hold your feet to the fire, lovingly.

If you implement these motivations and additional tips, I have no doubt in the world that you can move mountains and walk through walls. If it all feels like too much, just start small, and take the tiniest first step. It’s a beautiful one.

-AG

The Magic of Seeing Everything as Sacred

August 06, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

When we wake up in the morning, many of us automatically go on our phones or computers and start reading, checking messages, responding to things, and moving through our online world on autopilot.

We go through our day like this as well, managing as best we can, dealing with stress and being overwhelmed, moving through the physical world forgetting to be mindful.

For the most part, everything is normal. We’re managing. On good days, things go pretty well. On bad days, frustration and stress get to us.

But what if we could shift everything in a magical way?

What would happen if we changed the way we saw every single thing around us, including other people, including ourselves, including every little thing we see?

Try this: view every single thing you see as sacred.

See what happens...

Now, I’ll admit that “sacred” is a loaded word for many people who are not religious. It literally means “connected with God (or the gods),” and so if you’re not religious, it might seem a bit dumb. I believe in God, and still find value in the idea that things might be sacred. Hear me out.

“Sacred” is simply elevating something to the level of divine. That might be God, if you believe in God, but it could be the divinity in the universe, the miracle of existence and every moment. If you think of how crazy it is that we exist, and think of how wonderful and miraculous this universe is … I would argue that it’s divine, no matter what you believe in.

Look outside: the trees and flowers and birds you can see are filled with divinity. They are absolutely sacred. So is the wind, the stars, the sunlight falling upon the faces of strangers, the ability to see colors and to have a conversation and connection with a fellow human being.

Think of all that changes:

If you start to see something as sacred, it no longer becomes “ho hum,” no longer becomes something you’re taking for granted. You fully appreciate the beauty of that sacred object or being.
If you see another person as sacred, then you treat them with respect and even love, you look deep into the loveliness of their soul and broken heart, you are grateful for your connection to them.
If you see your possessions as sacred, you don’t toss them in the trash or put them any old place — you put it away with care.
If you see your work as sacred, you no longer feel it’s a burden, but a gift. You do it out of devotion, with love, instead of just trying to get through it.
If you see yourself as sacred, all of a sudden you start to see the goodness within yourself. You treat yourself better, putting healthy food inside of yourself instead of junk.
If you see the world around you as sacred, you move through it with awe. With a sense of wanting to applaud the universe for its magical creation. With a sense of purpose, being the audience of this miracle, wanting to fully appreciate it.

Look at everything around you with awe and appreciation. Treat it with respect and care. Put things away with reverence. Treat others as if you are connecting with the divine. And treat yourself with as a manifestation of the universe that has somehow been given the gift of realizing its own sacredness.

That is true magic, and it is always available.

-AG

A Guide to Letting Go of Shame & Fear

August 03, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

Many of us are so often in a state of shame or fear that we often don’t realize they’re even there.

Shame and fear pervade most of our lives to an extent rarely understood, so that our days revolve around them.

Some examples of shame and fear that are fairly common:

We are unhappy with ourselves or our bodies, and feel a sense of shame around how we look or how we are
We procrastinate or get lost in distraction, and feel shame around that laziness or lack of focus
We don’t exercise, meditate, write, journal, read or eat as well as we’d like, and feel shame around these failures
We don’t call our loved ones as much as we’d like, and feel shame around that
We fear the unknown, and so we stress out about the uncertainty in our lives
We feel shaky if we have to give a presentation or speech, and so we do worse (and feel shame about it) or enjoy it less than we could
We don’t speak the truth or have difficult conversations for fear of the fallout of such directness
We shrink away from difficult tasks or projects because of fear of discomfort or being overwhelmed
We stress out about upcoming trips, meetings, parties, projects because of fear of how it’ll go

So we allow fear to cause us to shrink from taking the action we want, or to make those actions less enjoyable. We allow shame to make us feel bad about ourselves and our lives, degrading our happiness and relationships.

What would it be like if you were free of shame?

How would you act if you were free of fear?

Those aren’t just idle questions: take a moment to reflect on them. They allow us to envision who we could be without shame and fear.

Imagine that you didn’t feel fear (I’m not saying that’s possible, but imagine it) … how would you act differently? For me, I might take bolder chances with my business, push into areas that usually scare the crap out of me. I might give public talks with a greater sense of ease and confidence. I’d openly and lovingly have difficult conversations instead of putting them off. I’d stress out about the future less, trusting more.

Imagine what your life would be like without shame. You could just be present with what’s happening right now, rather than feeling bad about what you’ve already done. You could be happy with who you are, instead of feeling shame about yourself or your body. You could talk to strangers more easily, rather than worrying about what they might think of you. You could miss a couple of workout sessions (or meditation, healthy eating, journaling, etc.) and just start again, without beating yourself up for messing up.

Life without shame and fear would be more easeful, more peaceful, more confident and trusting.

Now, I’m not saying you can live a life completely free of shame and fear — they will come up whether you like it or not. What I’m proposing is that we can let go of them when they come up, or at least not let them control us.

The Process of Letting Go

So fear and shame will arise, no matter how much meditation we do, no matter how much we work on ourselves. Emotions come up without our control … but what we do once they come up is, at least to some extent, up to us.

So fear comes up — that in and of itself isn’t a problem. It’s the holding on to the fear that becomes the problem. It’s the letting the fear hold us back from doing what we would otherwise do, or hurt our happiness, that becomes the real difficulty. The same is true of shame.

Step 1: When shame or fear comes up, we can notice. Then we can see them as “no big deal.” They’re not a problem, just a sensation in our body. So the first step is just noticing the sensation caused by fear or shame, without judgment, just observing. Just being mindful of sensation, not getting caught up in them. You’ll notice that neither shame nor fear is that bad, nothing to hate, they’re just sensations.

Step 2: From this place of noticing, we can become curious. What does this feel like? Where is it coming from? For example, we can feel shame and then be curious about how it feels in our body. Then notice that it’s coming from a sense of not liking something about ourselves. Why do we not like this thing about ourselves? Is there an ideal or expectation we’ve created that causes this dislike? Maybe I think I should be perfect at work or exercise, and I’m not living up to that. For fear … it often comes from a lack of trust, and a sense of uncertainty. Maybe we also have an ideal that there will be no uncertainty, only stability and control, and so fear comes up when this ideal isn’t met.

Step 3: Once we notice the ideal causing the shame or fear … we can begin to loosen our attachment to it. Is the ideal something that’s helpful? Is it harming us? Where did it come from? Who would we be without that ideal and the fear/shame that it causes? Imagine yourself without the ideal, and try it on like you would a new outfit. Imagine yourself completely trusting in an uncertain future, free of fear. Imagine yourself completely happy with yourself, free of any ideal of what you should be.

Step 4: With this new outfit — a lack of the ideal causing your shame/fear — see what it’s like to move around in the world without it. Who are you without the fear? Can you move around with a sense of trust in yourself and in the world? Can you move around with a sense of confidence, a sense of happiness in yourself, a sense of love for yourself? Try this on, and see what changes. See what actions you would take without the shame or fear. See how you show up differently.

This isn’t a simple or straightforward process, of course. It’s not as simple as snapping your fingers. But you can try it, and practice. Slowly, you might be able to let go of what ails you, and start to see the beauty in this moment that exists when we let go of what’s getting in the way.

Just always remember to keep enjoying this beautiful journey that we call "life."

-AG

The Stories That Stop Us From Being Present & Taking Action

July 31, 2018 in Wealthy Minds, Life Empowerment

Most of us have spent our lives caught up in plans, expectations, ambitions for the future; in regrets, guilt or shame about the past. To come into the present is to stop the war.” - Jack Kornfield

I get emails and texts all the time from people who are struggling with very common difficulties:

Wanting to overcome anger
Wanting to deal more calmly with stress
Hurt by other people’s inconsiderate actions
Getting stuck in resentment and thinking about how others have wronged you
Struggling with change because it’s hard
Struggling with letting go of clutter because of various emotional attachments
Finding all kinds of obstacles to taking on a project, side hustle, new business, writing a book/blog, etc.

And I completely understand these difficulties, because I struggle with them too. Here’s the thing — there are just two things stopping us from being present or taking the action we want to take:

The stories we have in our heads about other people, what’s happening, and ourselves
Our habitual pattern of staying in those stories instead of being present or taking action

It’s really one thing: our mental habit of staying stuck in the stories in our heads.

When I say “stories,” this isn’t a judgment about whether what we’re saying in our heads is true or not. It’s just what our minds do — they make up a narrative about the world, including other people and ourselves. Our minds are narrative machines. You could see the narrative as true or not, but that’s not the point — the narrative is getting in the way of being present and taking action.

What kind of stories do I mean? I mean things that we make up and spin around in our heads (true or not):

They shouldn’t act that way
If they loved me they wouldn’t be so inconsiderate
This is too hard, I don’t want to do this
I suck, I keep failing, I am inadequate
They keep doing this, I don’t know why they keep doing that to me
They hurt me, they are not a good person
I can’t start my business/blog/project until I learn this, or get to this place in my life, or have perfect peace in my day and am in a good mood
This shouldn’t be happening to me! This sucks!

These stories have some truth to them, which is why we cling to them so much. But these stories block us from being present. They are not helpful.

What would it be like if we didn’t cling to them so much? What if we could develop a mind that clings to nothing?

Dropping the Stories & Becoming Present

We can’t stop the mind from coming up with the stories, as it is a narrative machine. However, that doesn’t mean we have to cling to the stories and keep them spinning around in our heads.

Notice when you’re stuck in a story. Hint: if you’re angry, stressed, frustrated, disappointed, feeling shame or fear, dreaming about the future, thinking about something that happened … you’re stuck in a story.

Notice that the story is causing you to be stressed, angry, afraid, whatever. Notice that you are spinning it around in your head, and it is occupying your attention.

Now see if you can drop out of the story and into the present moment. Become curious: What is happening right now, in front of you? What sensations can you notice in your body? What is the light like? What sounds can you notice?

When you go back to your story (you will), try coming back to the present moment. Stay longer. Come back gently, without judgment.

What can you appreciate in this moment? A feeling of appreciating the sacredness of this moment can counteract the story, and change your way of being.

Dealing with Stress & Anger Without the Story

Stress and anger can be difficult things, because we have such a hard time letting them go.

But what if you could drop out of the stories that are causing the stress and anger (or frustration, resentment, complaining) and just be present with whatever you’re feeling?

Drop into your body and notice what sensations are there.

If you have difficult sensations in your body, see if you can be curious about them and stay with them, rather than spinning around a story about them. Stay with them longer (they might be located in your chest area), as you would try to stay with the sensations of your breath during a breath meditation.

Again, when your mind wanders back to the story, just come back gently. Stay with the sensations. Be present with them.

Touching the sensations in your body, of stress or anger, is a way to transform yourself. It doesn’t necessarily get rid of the feelings — but it changes your relationship to them. You no longer need to get rid of them, because you are fine just being with them. You develop a trust that you can stay present with them, without running or hiding or needing to doanything about them.

Each time you get stressed, each time you feel anger or frustration or resentment … this is an opportunity to practice and develop trust in yourself. Every spike of fear or stress is an opportunity to transform, to open, to stay and be present.

In this way, every stress is making you more mindful, less attached, and more open to life.

Taking Action Without the Story

The stories in our heads also stop us from taking the action we want to take in our lives — from changing habits to eating better to getting rid of clutter to tackling that difficult project.

Some examples:

I don’t feel like exercising, I feel lazy, it’s too hard
I don’t know how to tackle this big project, it’s too complicated
I don’t know how to blog, there is so much I don’t know, I have to learn it all before I can start
There’s too much clutter, and I don’t know what to do with it all, I can’t tackle all of that
Maybe I should do something else, I don’t really like this kind of work, I think I would be better trying one of the other options I like

There is some truth to each of the stories, but the fact is, they are getting in the way of action. They aren’t helpful.

What would happen if we just dropped the stories and took action, staying in the present as we did so?

Imagine dropping into your body when you have a story about why you shouldn’t exercise … and getting present. Then putting on your workout clothes and shoes, staying present without the story. Then doing some pushups or starting to run.

You don’t need the story to take action. Drop into the present, and just act. Stay present as you act. Be curious about what it’s like, rather than thinking you know what it will be like ahead of time. Take a “don’t know” mindset, and find out!

Don’t have any clarity about a project? Start doing it, and clarity will come as you discover what it’s like.

Afraid you’re not good enough to do the project? Only one way to truly know — take action on it and see!

Feeling overwhelmed because there’s too much clutter to tackle? Declutter one thing. Take action on one spot on your counter. There’s no need for the story about it being too much.

The truth is, even if we can’t avoid generating these stories, we don’t have to get stuck in them, especially if they are unhelpful. Sometimes it’s good to have a narrative that helps us plan and figure things out, but often it’s better just to find out by being present and taking action.

And you can do that very simply: just drop into the sensations of your body and surroundings. Notice. Get curious. Stay. Come back gently. Appreciate the sacredness of this moment.

-AG